Once there was a something called Bob. Bob thought he was a murderous something, so he killed stuff.

That fateful morning, Bob killed stuff, then had brunch. He had had an early start.

While he was eating, he blinked slowly and a giant magical Toad was before him, wearing a pink Tu-Tu

"What the fu-"

"Bob." The voice sounded adult & child-like, and masculine & feminine at the same time.

"Wha?"

"Bob. You are not a killer."

Bob was confused. "What do you mean? What are you?"

The Toad smiled condescendingly. "I am your Fairy God-Toad, Bob."

"What did you mean when you said I wasn't a killer? I've been a killer most of my life!"

The Toad shook it's head, still wearing the condescending smile. "That is not your fate. It never has been." The haunting voice said softly.

"Broken Chair!" Bob shrieked, leaping off his seat like he had been shocked. "What did you to do my chair?"

The Giant Magical Fairy God-Toad wearing the pink Tu-Tu and the condescending smile spread out it's arms and levitated off the floor, a soft yellow and pink glow emitting from it, illuminating the room.

"Nioj eht eivom oiduts dna emoceb a recudorp! Noitacidem si nuf, he?" Toad spoke as it's head spun around and around. Bob got dizzy trying to follow it.

"Yes, I do like marshmallows!" Bob cried out, jumping up as he punched the air for emphasis.

The Toad stopped, lowered to the floor and nodded, still wearing the condescending smile. "Good. You understand. My work here is done. May you take bubble baths in peace now." And in a wink the Toad was gone.

Bob opened his eyes and lifted his head, the side of his face had been in his food on his plate.

Later that evening, before falling asleep, his last thought of the day was, 'Maybe I shouldn't've had that old moldy green salami for brunch today.'